SDAC … pt. 1 (rules to die by)

As each of us emerged from our mother’s womb into the world, taking our first breath of air, beginning a journey that we later come to understand as our lives, we unconsciously began the process of striving for self-determination, autonomy and control. Into a world populated with billions of other people and species, we arrived on the scene as completely unique living entities woven from the elements of galactic dust, strands of DNA and spirit … each little body and mind possessing a never to be duplicated combination of elements. While we might share family members, cultural influences and physical environments, each person possesses the inherent ability to make and leave their own indelible stamp on the world. The drive to make our mark, to discover who we are, how we fit into the scheme of things, propels us through the aging process, and the need for self-determination, autonomy and control take hold and become deeply ingrained within our psyches.

I would argue that these forces (SDAC) end up defining our approach to life, so it should come as no surprise to anyone that they are also the very last things we want to surrender before we die. The problem, a literal nightmare for most of us, is that there comes a point when we have to face the fact that the very continuation of our existence may depend precisely on giving up our SDAC.

I’m entering the stage of life where this dilemma is coming more clearly into focus. My remaining parent is beginning to struggle with her ability to maintain SDAC in the face of deteriorating natural causes and the relentless changes that buffet her world in the form of often baffling and bizarre changes. There seems to come a point when our elasticity breaks down, and once fascinating developments in technology, politics, social mores, etc. take on a more sinister and threatening hue. Little things like being unable to open a jar, walk to the mailbox, un-jam a printer, back out the car, interpret the intentions of a predatory e-mail message become portents of impending loss and the inevitable demise of our incredible desire to make our own decisions, solve our problems and navigate our world without falling prey to frustration, bewilderment and ultimately the loss of our SDAC.

The rise of social media gives us glimpses into how this dynamic plays out in the lives of people who we know well and others on the periphery of our awareness. By appearances, the looming battle over SDAC can go well or take nasty turns into life wrenching directions. It makes you think. It forces you to confront the future. And, it gives each of us an opportunity to use the SDAC that we have now, and mostly take for granted, to plot our own course even knowing that circumstances can easily foil our well-laid plans.

So, based on what I’ve learned, here is what I plan to do:

• To the best of my ability, never, ever, deliberately take away anyone’s SDAC; built into the fabric of our being, SDAC is a sacred right and fundamental aspect of our humanity
• To prepare for the future in such a way that I can maintain my own SDAC for as long as possible, avoiding to the best of my ability, scenarios resulting in that loss
• To inculcate the wisdom to know that, when the time comes, I will give grace to those who need to intervene on my behalf and let go of the things to which I most desperately cling

To these ends, I wish you all the best with all the love I can muster.