Family, friends and changing your religion

My exploration of Judaism, the decision to pursue conversion and eventual acceptance by the Jewish community as one of their own represents a milestone event in my life that takes a place of supreme importance to me–right along with my marriage, the choosing of my profession, the birth of my children, the marriage of my daughters and the birth of my grandchildren.   My religious identity has always been of profound importance to me, one of the principle factors around which I’ve organized my sense of self and how I’ve found meaning in this life.  In Exploring Judaism, authors Alpert and Staub put it this way:  “One belongs to a group and participates in the life of that group as one’s primary way of being in the world.”  So, it is without doubt that my conversion impacts every facet of the connections that I have with the members of my family and my circle of friends.

I am happy to report that my life as a Jew has been accepted and embraced by those who love and know me best.   My incredible wife, spouse, life-partner and soul-mate has already given me the type of acceptance, love and support that will continue to be a huge blessing in years to come.   My children love me and want the best for me as I do them.  My sister, a Christian mystic, sends me a constant stream of affirmation and encouragement.   One of my best friends thinks I’m nuts, but he hugs me and tells me that he loves me.  Mostly curious, people want to know more about Judaism because they want to know and love me to the fullest.  I am truly blessed.

Lest I leave the impression that my conversion is a perfect fit with everyone that I know, I need to note that the process has strained some of my relationships.   I was raised by devout Christian parents for whom it was of utmost importance that my sister and I turn out to be God fearing, Bible believing, church attending disciples of Jesus Christ.  In an earlier blog post, I have already tried to explain how I think Judaism and Christianity relate to one another and what this means for me.   What I can say, but will nevertheless fail at explaining, is that some people feel offended and hurt about this change in my life.   For those whose theological worldview comes down to “One-way or the Hell-way,” my conversion represents not just a rejection of deeply held beliefs but a decision with horrific implications.   Not only have I have turned my back on the faith in which I was raised, but I have seemingly rejected the love that provided the impetus for passing that faith on to me in the first place.   Therefore, it’s not surprising that there have been several intense and uncomfortable discussions over the past several years.

When I get an opportunity, I try to explain that my conversion is not a repudiation of the people I know and love, but, at the same time, I also realize that it is going to take time and probably more action than words.   Although I want to honor and respect my upbringing, I also cannot live as a projection of others’ expectations.   As a nearly 60-year old man, parent and grandparent, I believe it is necessary to let your children go at some point, to accept them for who they are and encourage them to fully develop as sacred beings.   I have tried to do that with my daughters and firmly believe we each have our own path to follow.  Acceptance of each other’s journeys is a high expression of love, and, I believe, a mitzvah (i.e., a precept or commandment).

In the end, I hope it will be apparent that the early investment in my spiritual development is paying off, if not in exactly the way that my parents or Sunday School teachers might have envisioned it.   I know my Bible because it was read it to me.  I know G-d’s love because it was modeled, lived and shared with me.   I am a person who seeks a connection with the Divine because I know the Eternal One exists and wants to be in relationship with me.   I know I am loved by an unending Love.

There are a few things that I want my friends and family to know:

1. I love you very much, and I know you love me. This will never change.
2. Becoming a Jew is not a repudiation of my upbringing, nor the things I was taught.   If anything, my religious upbringing prepared me for this.
3. We all worship the same God/Father/Mother/Creator/Redeemer. Nothing changes in this regard.

Shalom!